Ah, Disney park memories — the rides, the laughter, the characters…the janitors. And now, when you recount your Orlando adventure, amid rapturous tales of the custodial staff, you’ll know which words to use.
According to The Daily Caller, Walt Disney World Resort is upping its third-person-regard game. The Florida icon is cleaning up its act for xyrs and xemselfs who clean up the acreage:
Multiple employees…spoke anonymously…about a new DEI initiative that will begin with janitors… Photos shared by the sources showed that theme park and EPCOT employees can fill out a form with their preferred pronouns to have them added to their name pin by scanning a QR code.
If you’re unfamiliar, enjoy an abridged accounting of “neopronouns.” As previously indicated by the experts, all may be mixed, matched, and muddled:
- Xe/xem/xyrs/xemself
- Xy/xyr/xyrs/xyrself
- Hi/hir/hirs/hirself
- Ze/zir/zirs/zirself
- Ey/em/eirs/emself
- Ne/nem/nems/nemself
- Fae/faer/faers/faerself
- Ae/aer/aers/aerself
- Thon/thon/thon/thonself
- Per/per/pers/perself
- Ve/ver/vers/verself
- Zee/zed/zeta/zetas/zedsel
Hence, future Disney visitors’ photos may include online captions such as…
- “The castle’s just out of frame. I wanted to enshrine this nonbinary individual’s sweet, sweet sweeping of a cardboard cotton candy cone during the parade (also out of frame). Hi was my holiday highlight.”
- “Didn’t get a photo of my girlfriend’s face during the proposal because I was too entranced by the hypnotic brooming of this caretaker. Left Debbie with the ring and chased xem the length of the park while the fireworks finished — to procure pronouns for Insta.”
- “My phone was almost full, so not many pics of the trip. But I was able to shoot thon’s knotting of this garbage bag after someone upchucked their EPCOT Empanada de Barbacoa in the restroom trash. Got several snapshots and a short vid of nem’s terrific tie-up. Thanks to zedself, I can radically recommend a Disney honeymoon.”
The identity-affirming upgrade comes courtesy of Disney Parks’ progressive positivity. Per The Caller, a worker form reads thusly:
Hi everyone, we are excited to introduce pronoun name tags in our area! Pronoun name tags help us understand each other more and bring a positive impact within our community!
Disney’s no newbie to keeping up with the culture. Over the summer, its California destination made headlines by featuring a Fairy Godmother Apprentice on the verge of a Bibbidi Bobbidi Beard:
As mentioned, Disney World’s pronoun push aims to expand over time. Name-tag nuance will reach beyond staffers who manage the mess of dropped Snow White-themed apples and dropped Maleficent deuces:
Employees told The Daily Caller that the pronoun pins will eventually be rolled out for every department at the park.
It’s A Whole New World; we’ve gotta keep it in order. And when those masterminding your immaculate vacay memories get an attagirl — or attaboy, or attabird or attacake — from you after the fact, soon you’ll know if it’s an ae or zee who zapped you in the Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah with clap-worthy custodianship. You’ll be able to accurately sing their sanitary praises: “My, oh my, what a wonderful fae.”
-ALEX
