PETA Demands White House Use Fake Eggs for Annual Easter Egg Roll

The animal rights organization People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has an “eggstra” special request for the White House this Easter…please use fake eggs instead of real ones for the annual Easter Egg hunt.

PETA President Ingrid Newkirk wrote a letter to First L’Eggy Jill Biden this week, asking the White House to forgo using hen-laid eggs and instead opt for reusable plastic eggs, wooden eggs, “or even lovely painted rocks or egg-shaped balls.” Newkirk says that would be the right thing to do for all those children in attendance who don’t eat eggs for “ethical, environmental or health reasons.”

I’m not sure what the PETA Prez is talking about, as there is no indication children are forced to eat the eggs they find, or that they are even eaten by anyone at all. This year a North Carolina farm will be providing 20,000 eggs for the Easter Egg Roll, some dyed, all hard-boiled. The event returned last year after a two-year hiatus due to the pl’egg…er…the plague known as COVID.

A PETA spokesperson egg-splained how chickens may suffer on mass-production farms, and tried to appeal to the Bidens’ love for their own animals.

“Every year in the U.S., about 300 million hens’ beaks are mutilated, then they’re forced to spend their entire lives pressed against other birds in severely crowded cages that reek of feces and ammonia. These chickens suffer just as any other animals would, including Commander and Willow, the Bidens’ beloved dog and cat,” Robin Goist said.

Perhaps Goist has forgotten that the Biden’s abandoned one of their dogs after they failed to train it and socialize it properly upon the move into the White House. The Doctor and Jill’s husband aren’t eggsactly the best people to hold up as eggsamples of sensitivity towards animals.

The PETA President went on to explain that chickens are sensitive, and feel pain and empathy. Such qualities should eggsempt them from being used as entertainment in the form of their eggs or anything else. However, her best point was an eggspecially salient one – eggs are expensive this year. Perhaps that money could be put to better use by using fake eggs.

Of course, there is a wood supply chain issue, and the plastics (even recycled plastics) present an environmental problem. Rocks are fine if they come in small quantities, but 20,000 rocks sounds like a weight and logistics issue. Given that the eggs are already ordered from an American family farm, it doesn’t seem like any eggceptions will be made this year.

It seems as though PETA’s dreams will be beaten this year. They’ll have to scramble for new arguments next time.

If you can eggcept a few more egg puns, the PETA letter is below.

Dear Dr. Biden:

I’m writing on behalf of PETA, the world’s largest animal rights organization, with more than 5 million members and supporters in the U.S., to respectfully urge you not to allow the use of real chicken eggs for the White House Easter Egg Roll but to choose instead reusable plastic or wooden eggs — or even lovely painted rocks or egg-shaped balls — all of which would last for years to come. This update would make the event eggstra special for chickens and inclusive of all children who attend, including those who don’t consume eggs for ethical, environmental, or health reasons.

As an educator, you understand that we want Americans of all ages to consider who animals are, what makes them tick, and how they feel. Chickens are smart, sensitive animals who feel pain and empathy; have distinct personalities; and at just a few days old, can count and perform basic addition and subtraction. Mother hens communicate with their chicks while they’re still inside the shell so that they recognize her call when they hatch. Children, who have natural empathy for animals, would be saddened to learn that the eggs at this family event came from mothers who spent their entire lives in cages smaller than a letter-sized sheet of paper, unable to lift a single wing, and were taken from her as soon as they were laid. It’s a most fowl irony.

We hope you’ll agree that while families are shelling out nearly 70% more for eggs amid the deadliest avian flu outbreak on record, now is a hopping good time to hatch an Easter tradition that is kind and doesn’t prop up the cruel egg industry. We wish you and your family a very happy Easter and look forward to hearing from you.

Very truly yours, Ingrid Newkirk, President

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